Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
