i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
