She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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