In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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