i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
