ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
