You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do herpes really smell.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
