You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
