I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
