Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
