Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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