I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
