The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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