I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
