Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
