I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
