Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
