im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You smell like stripper and shame
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
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