somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
