and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
