I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
