thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
