A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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