What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
