Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
