Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
