I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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