i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
