Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
