dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
