y did u give ur computer a hand job?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
