I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
