Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are we still banned from the library?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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