i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
