I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
