I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
