I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
