Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
