She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
