She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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