She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
