life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
