now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
