tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
