She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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