Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize