just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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