The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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