not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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