You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
