Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
