it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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