I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
