he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
