now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
