girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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