I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
